On Tuesday, Alabama passed some of the most restrictive abortion laws in recent history and to put it simply: lots of people have lots of feelings about this. I spent 40+ years of my life completely surrounded by the voices who are cheering the loudest over this decision, and only the last few actually listening to those who are lamenting it. While I know I am not unique, I believe this might give me a little more perspective than those whose Twitter feeds are solidly in one camp or the other. And though I miss the ease of being thoroughly convinced of my position on hot button issues, I am certain that the ability to see and the willingness to listen to both viewpoints is actually the only way we can hope to combat the current divisiveness that is tearing at the fabric of our country. And so these two letters are my humble attempt to speak to both sides and share what I know or have learned about the opposite view.
To my pro-choice friends:
I hear your anger over this legislation and I agree with many of your frustrations about how this is playing out. I share your disgust that often men are the ones making these decisions and yet can’t seem to realize that no unwanted pregnancy comes about without a man. I am certain though, that there are men on the pro-choice side who want abortion to remain a viable option for their own equally misogynistic reasons. I understand the belief that life starts at birth, but please recognize that those who take the pro-life position believe life begins at conception and as such see abortion as ending a human life. They recoil at the idea that women celebrate this act.
While it doesn’t seem to be the case with the pro-life position you are most familiar with, I implore you to believe that there are some of us who truly are seeking to value life in all its forms – unborn, children, imprisoned, immigrant, refugee, Black, indigenous, LGBTQ. I am genuinely curious to know what could have been different about the abortion debate if these kind of pro-life people came to you and asked, “What can we do to continue to reduce the overall number of abortions in the US?”* Could we sit down together as human beings, not Democrats or Republicans, and work on ways to bring women out of poverty, aid the ability of women to receive contraceptives, punish sex offenders and rapists to the full extent of the law, and hold men accountable for child support in much more effective ways? Would we then agree that fewer abortions is a worthy goal? Could we agree that pregnant women deserve to at least see ultrasound images and hear all the options before choosing how they will go forward?
Recently @TuttleSinger asked her the Pro-Life Twitter followers, a bit rhetorically, what they have personally done to support lower income single mothers. The thousands of responses gave testimony to the fact that many who are fighting against abortion really do care about more than just a live birth. They are volunteering, supporting, adopting, and living out their beliefs. And as far as those who are only pro-life when it comes to birth and whose policies are in fact quite anti-life in many other areas – I accept that you will continue to ignore and be angered by them. I am too.
*According to the CDC, from 2006 to 2015 reported abortions from participating areas fell by 24%.
To my pro-life friends:
I hear your excitement over the passage of this legislation. I know many of you care deeply about this issue and rejoice at what you see as the saving of babies’ lives. But I implore you to think about what your pro-life moniker really means. Are you really concerned with all life? Does Black life matter? If you’ve used the racist origins of Margaret Sanger and the higher per capita black abortion statistics as talking points but seethed at Black football players for kneeling at the flag, you’re completely missing the point. How much do you care about the quality of the child’s life after his or her birth? Do you know that many times abortion is a poverty issue – are you willing to see your tax dollars used to help raise single mothers out of poverty or provide affordable child care options? Many of the people supporting restrictive abortion laws reject what they see as restrictive gun laws, and yet school children as few as 6 years from the womb have been murdered by some of the guns they are fiercely defending. In 2017 a pro-life Congressman resigned after it was discovered that he secretly urged his possibly pregnant girlfriend to seek an abortion, and those defending abortion are rightly curious how many of the Alabama legislators might have done the same. Considering all of this, can you see why the pro-choice movement questions our pro-life stance when these hypocrisies are so blatant?
I know the bottom line to most of you is that abortion stops a beating heart, and I hear you. Life is precious. I would love to imagine a world without abortion. I know many conservative Christians who are full of love and compassion – you give, you volunteer, you adopt, your open your homes. But this isn’t what gets communicated the loudest, and sadly there are many who claim Christ and are sorely lacking in these qualities. I honestly believe that enacting a law this restrictive, with the focus seeming highly skewed towards justice and away from mercy, further destroys the chance to talk reasonably with each other. And so while I am thankful for lives that will be given a chance, I grieve the further distance it puts between us as Americans, and for the ways in which some of those lives may not have much of a chance beyond their birth.
In conclusion…
It is my hope that more of us, no matter which position we claim, are able to understand the other position as well. If your social media feed is one-sided, I urge you to start listening to reasonable voices with an opposing opinion. I guarantee they’re out there. Even better, have a face to face conversation with someone you don’t agree with, intending not to persuade but to listen.
“Too often, we judge other groups by their worst examples, while judging ourselves by our best intentions.”
Former President George W Bush after the Dallas police shooting.
What I've learned so far... 